As you know I've put on a lot of weight, so all of my lovely, pretty clothes don't fit me anymore. I have some nice clothes I guess. Well, they look good on other people, on me they just look ridiculous. So I had to find something new to wear. Now, as a young lady I guess I'm supposed to enjoy clothes shopping, and I used to when I could fit into nice things, but now when I go shopping it's like I'm constantly being reminded of how huge I am. I see all these gorgeous clothes, I pick something up....it's a size 16 and it wouldn't fit over one of my thighs. So, when I'm disheartened by the average people's clothes, I trudge over to the plus size section, which ironically is significantly smaller than the normal clothes department. The Boyfriend accompanied me during my search, and bless his heart, he really did try. He picked out outfits for me and made suggestions, but I just started getting agitated. Nothing made me feel feminine. I eventually settled on a casual outfit, that wouldn't draw attention to me.
We headed home and I got ready, I even did my hair and makeup. And guess what? I actually smiled at myself. It was completely fake, but I've been told to fake it until it's real, that way I apparently look more confident.
So I went to my Bestie's house and we had a couple of drinks while we waited for our other friend, Little Miss Competition. Now, I love Competition, I really do, but I two reasons for calling her Competition. A) I always feel like I have to compete with her, I don't know why, and B) She likes to make a competition out of things that really shouldn't be a competition (which will become clear at the end of this post)
Lets skip over the boring details, we had some drinks, Competition tried on clothes and asked for our opinions. Competition looked amazing. She's the kind of girl that has everything going for her, a petite little body, a gorgeous face and can fit into the slinkiest of little black dresses without displaying a single roll of fat. We went out, we got drunk(ish), we even had a little dance and after all that we made our communal trip to the loo, and this is where things got annoying for me.
Competition was very very drunk, and she started asking if she looked fat. I snorted. No, she did not look fat, in fact, stood next to me she looked even smaller. She kept insisting that she was fat and ugly, and myself and the Bestie tried to convince her that she isn't. Competition went on at this for a while until she finally said it.
"I mean, I know you've put on a lot of weight since you moved in with your boyfriend, Typical. I mean, A LOT OF WEIGHT, but you don't really know what it's like."
Now I didn't say anything about this at the time, she was drunk so we decided to get her home, but her words kept ringing in my ears, "A LOT OF WEIGHT". Even my friends are commenting on it now! I had to get home, I had to lock myself up and I had to cry! I already felt under dressed, dumby and pathetic, and now, well now I just couldn't fake it any more.
I'm still pretty hung up about it, and I haven't left the flat in two days and I really don't see myself going out any time soon. I have plans on friday to meet up with old friends, but I just can't think about it right now.....
Little Miss Typical
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